Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Life with a Heathen Cat
Echo came into my life in May of this year; he was only supposed to be here a little while. It looks like he will be staying longer than I had in mind. From outward appearances he seems to look like a nice looking tom cat but has a nasty attitude. I refer to him as heathen cat because the devil had to have gotten a hold of him, you see in my option he has to be possessed by something awful. He is a little guy about ten pounds of black and white fur. That tells me he had to have had the light of Jesus in him at one time but somehow he got mixed up with the darkness of the fallen angel Lucifer. His given name is Echo; I know why his parents choose that name. It seems he likes to hear the sound of his own voice. For about four or five days a month he screams incessantly. I mean for hours and hours at a time. The only time he hushes is when he is asleep and even then he is meowing. He walks around with his belly rubbing the floor and his hinny high in the air. His favorite thing in the whole world to do is work my last nerve. My cabinets are appealing to him and he can not pass up an opportunity to jump on them. I have had many talks with him about this problem but he turns a deaf ear to me. I call it selective hearing you know when your own children hear only what they want to hear; yes he has cat selective hearing. Nothing seems to phase this cat, I have tried hollering but my screams only give me a headache. I have swatted his backside with a newspaper hoping the noise would scare him and it does long enough for me to get back to my recliner and get my feet up. Last week we tried a Nerf gun that shoots those soft bullets but he eats them. I must admit it does scare the dogs, when they hear that thing cock the shoot out the room. Just this week I put some holy water in a spray bottle and it stopped him right in his tracks. I think he was letting God’s spirit minister to him for a few seconds then he hide only to come back when I was nice and comfortable. He has fooled me into thinking he has moved on to a nice condo in Timbuktu but that dream was short lived. He was found safe and sound after a few hours of being locked in the bathroom closet. His cries could have woke the dead. I would be glad to pay his rent but for some reason he refuses to leave. I may need the services of the Justice of Peace soon, too serve the eviction notice. I have had the pleasure of getting sweet revenge on his poor little lost soul. A few days ago I took a long soak in the tub. It was great you should try it sometimes. Fill the tub with hot water, grab a good book and soak until the water is frigid. It was at that point when I started to turn blue that I got my revenge. You see I had endured one hour of him stalking me in the tub, knocking the soap in the water, dumping my drink and pushing my towel in. Not to mention him giving me the evil eye the whole time. It was when I got out and was drying off that a bolt of lighting came out of nowhere and knocked him right off his four furry feet and into that fidget water. It did not take him long to make a mad dash to the side of the tub. I bet he felt like he was climbing Mt Rushmore trying to free himself. When he finally made it to freedom he did a little jig around the room. Shacking one paw off then another. I do not know why he would think he would need another bath after that but that’s just what he did. He sat for the longest time bathing himself and planning his next attack on me. What he does not know is that I have my eyes on him and I am watching him too. And I can not forget to mention that I have God on my side. I am fervently praying that he would find salvation and become a change cat with a new heart.